Indian students get paddled

The boarding-school mentality continues as Americans try to beat some sense into their (minority) kids:

Study finds minorities more likely to be paddledPaddlings, swats, licks. A quarter of a million schoolchildren got them last year--and blacks, American Indians and kids with disabilities got a disproportionate share of the punishment, according to a study by a human rights group.

Even little kids can be paddled. Heather Porter, who lives in Crockett, Texas, was startled to hear her little boy, then 3, say he'd been spanked at school. Porter was never told, despite a policy at the public preschool that parents be notified.

"We were pretty ticked off, to say the least. The reason he got paddled was because he was untying his shoes and playing with the air conditioner thermostat," Porter said. "He was being a 3-year-old."Among the findings:* In states where paddling is most common, black girls were paddled more than twice as often as white girls.

* Boys are three times as likely to be paddled as girls.

* Special education kids were more likely to be paddled.Is paddling a necessary evil?There is scant research on whether paddling is effective in the classroom. But many studies have shown it doesn't work at home, said Elizabeth Gershoff, a University of Michigan assistant professor of social work.

"The use of corporal punishment is associated almost overwhelmingly with negative effects, and that it increases children's problem behavior over time," Gershoff said.

Children may learn to solve problems using aggression, and a sense of resentment might make them act out more, Gershoff said.Comment:  To paraphrase Capt. Richard H. Pratt of boarding-school fame: "Paddle the Indians, save the children."

Why do Indians and other minorities get paddled more often? Perhaps because they're a little more savage--a little closer to their animalistic origins.

We know this because we see it in every movie, sports logo, and product label. Indians live in the 19th century and we live in the 21st century. We're two centuries more advanced than they are.

When a dog misbehaves, you hit him on the nose with a newspaper. When an Indian child misbehaves, you hit him on the butt with a paddle. It's the same idea.

Conservatives love beating children

Note that paddling is basically a red-state phenomenon. I think Republicans should add this to their party platform: "We beat our kids and we're proud of it."

Not coincidentally, I believe the red states lead the country in murders, school shootings, and suicides. Not to mention divorces, teenage pregnancies, and abortions.

But they also lead the country in religious fervor, so it's okay. Good Christians can do bad things and then forget about it. Jesus will save them after they sin.

In fact, the Bible says walloping your children is perfectly acceptable: "Spare the rod and spoil the child." Or as they used to say in boarding schools, "Spare the rod and spoil the Indian."