Romance in Twilight movie

You'll be glad to know that I finally saw the Twilight movie. Because of its Quileute characters and its racial subtext, I think I'll devote a few postings to it. This will give all the Twihards out there something to squeal about.

For this series, I'll quote the reviews I agree with, then add a few comments of my own.

Complaint #1: This has to do with the movie, so I can’t comment on the book, but it was boring as all hell. The pacing, so painfully slow. The dialogue, cheesy, but not in a good way; just lame. The chemistry between the main characters? Non-existent. But the boredom mostly stems from…

Complaint #2: Isabella Swan is just a terrible lead character. She has NO personality. There is nothing likable about her. She has no flaws, and she has no outstanding character traits either.  (Buffy Lists)

I wouldn't say the movie was too slow or boring, but I agree with the rest of these comments. Kirsten is about like any 17-year-old. She's cute and bright but there's nothing special about her.

It's pretty funny that people have said the movie made Bella's character stronger--that she's a needy, helpless girl in the books. Because she still seems relatively weak and unfocused to me. Can you imagine Veronica Mars, enterprising private eye, or Blair Waldorf, queen bee of the New York social scene, moping around for Mr. Right? No.

Bella finds herself utterly transfixed by Edward. (Judging by the screaming tweens in the audience at the screening caught, she’s not alone.) Yet devoid of the novel’s first-person narration, the chain of events laid out in Melissa Rosenberg’s screenplay--Edward’s initial and inexplicable hostility toward Bella, his habit of rescuing her from contrived endangerment scenarios, their playfully barbed flirtation, his revelation of his identity as a self-controlled but still-lethal bloodsucker and, finally, their mutual surrender to their feelings--proceeds with none of the inner logic necessary even for a tale of the fantastic.

Stewart (seen recently and most impressively in “Into the Wild”) makes Bella earthy, appealing and slightly withdrawn, and British thesp Pattinson (who registered poignantly as the ill-fated Cedric Diggory in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”) is every inch the deadly dreamboat. But as helmed by Hardwicke, the actors’ early, awkward interactions feel particularly forced, and the script gives Stewart virtually nothing with which to convince the audience of her transcendent love for a guy who’d just as soon drink her blood as jump her bones.  (Variety)

The main problem here is the lack of any kind of romantic chemistry between the two lead actors in the film, Kristen Stewart of “Jumper” and Robert Pattison of “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.” Intense gazing is no substitute for real romance, sorry. As lovers, these two are not convincing. They don't produce enough of a spark to set off gasoline vapor.

The high school scenes are somewhat interesting, and a bit creepy, when you think about a hundred year-old male vampire cruising for chicks. It is every dirty old man's dream.  (Laramie Movie Scope)

Complaint #5: Their relationship is built on nothing. She’s attracted to his vampireness, and he wants to drain her dry. If he were unattractive, she’d have filed a restraining order because he’s just a creepy stalker. You may argue that's a nice parallel for everyday teen romances, but its nothing to write about. Nothing to get excited over. Nothing to swooooon over.  (Buffy Lists)

Yes, I'd say Edward and Bella's chemistry is nonexistent. They're like two friends, or perhaps two strangers, told to pretend they're in love. For the most part they tell their feelings rather than show them.

Bella is attracted why...because Edward's secrets and lies are so appealing? In reality, these two know little or nothing about each other's preferences or past. Their alleged attraction is based on love at first sight (or smell), but that's no basis for a long-lasting relationship. In anything but a fairy tale, they'd start getting real when they learned each other's flaws and pecadilloes. ("Honey, you left another deer carcass in the foyer. It's dripping blood all over the new tiles.")

Twilight is pure fantasy, emphasis on the pure; it's a soft-focus reverie for girls who want to be Disney princesses and have their bad boys, too... as long as the bad boys are models of tormented self-restraint.  (MissFlickChick.com)

It's a film completely lacking in dramatic momentum and genuine emotional involvement. I have no idea if this is representative of the books or not, but on screen it comes across as being every bit as fake in its depiction of teenage life as, say, Dawson's Creek or 90210.  (Home Cinema Choice)

I watch my share of youth-oriented dramas. Can anyone say these teenagers are more believably contemporary than those of, say, Joan of Arcadia, Veronica Mars, or Gossip Girl? Twilight's unhip characters act like something out of a Disney flick or a '80s TV drama--Saved by the Bell, perhaps. Good thing the vampires have superpowers, because any modern teenager would ridicule them unmercifully.

The big kiss

Their first kiss is symptomatic of this lack of emotional involvement. Edward pops up in Bella's bedroom. With no warning, no tension, no buildup, Edward suggests an experiment. He leans forward and they kiss. There isn't even a clichéd preamble such as "God, you're beautiful" or "I've been thinking about you all day." They just proceed because it's in the script.

Let's invent some appropriate dialog for this scene:

EDWARD:  So...what'cha doing?

BELLA:  Reading a book for class. Unfortunately, I can't just drop out for days at a time whenever it's sunny.

EDWARD:  Uh-huh.

[Awkward silence because they're almost total strangers.]

BELLA:  Um, would you like to play World of Warcraft on my PC?

EDWARD:  I'm almost 100 years old, you know. I don't really understand the whole computer thing.

BELLA:  Oh.

[Awkward silence because they're almost total strangers.]

EDWARD:  Say, would you like to make out?

BELLA:  Okay, sure.

[They kiss because physical attraction is the only thing they have in common.]

Then there's this deleted scene after the first kiss featuring the little-known second kiss.

BELLA:  Uh, wait a sec. Aren't you like a really old man or something?

EDWARD:  Yeah, I've been sucking the blood of young virgins like you for a century.

BELLA:  Eww, that's gross.

EDWARD:  Yeah, I know. But I have a hot young body, so it's cool. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm not a World War I veteran.

BELLA:  Okay, sure.

[They kiss again because physical attraction is the only thing they have in common.]

Unsurprisingly, the majority of the brooding and staring in the film (which must make up the bulk of the two-hour running time) is backed up by an Emo-friendly collection of tracks by the like of Muse and Paramore to hammer home the emotions that the cast themselves seem incapable of generating.  (Home Cinema Choice)

Indeed. When you have to cue the romantic music to tell viewers a romantic moment is happening, this isn't a sign of success. Rather, it's a sign of failure--the aural equivalent of a Teleprompter for those who don't get the message.

Most of the critics noted a few decent characters: Bella's father Sheriff Swan, Jessica, Alice. I'd add Gil Birmingham and Taylor Lautner as Billy and Jacob Black to that list. Lautner still doesn't look like an Indian, but he has more charisma than some of the other characters.

Oh, and the cameo by Stephenie Meyer in the diner was cute. I wonder if the whole Twilight saga was just a ploy to see herself on the screen. Just kidding, more or less.

For more on the subject, see Quileute Werewolves in Twilight.

Below:  "My red-rouged lips love you, Bella. My caterpillar eyebrows love you. My wild, rebellious hair loves you."