Satire: Sioux attack Wall Street

Sioux Tribe to Attack Wall Street from Within

Posted by Iracundus HumanusIt has recently been reported that the Lower Brule Sioux tribe of South Dakota has purchased the Wall Street investment firm Westrock Group. This marks the first instance of a Native American organization diversifying out of the gambling, jewelry and blanket markets.

Tribal spokesperson Oscar Get Many Ponies Leibowicz justified the $700 million purchase by stating that the tribe is fighting a 40% unemployment rate, decreased demand for Sioux blankets and jewelry, and lower profits from their Golden Buffalo Casino.

“Our cousins in Connecticut, Michigan and Nevada do pretty well with the gambling, but we are out here in the middle of nowhere and who wants to come here to spend any wampum.” Leibowicz is quoted as saying. Jessica Have Pig Sweat Moody questions where the funds came from to purchase the firm, noting that the tribe is essentially bankrupt; “We know that this firm brought in over $22 million last year, but how long will it take before we can divvy up the profits with such a large loan outstanding?” She said.

Tribal elder Buffalo Hair Smith noted the historical significance of the purchase. “Over three hundred years ago our stupid cousins, the Delaware, sold off the whole of Manhattan Island for a measly twenty five dollars worth of beads from that Dutch guy Pieter Minuit, those guys had it stolen from them by the Brits.

What fools, why, we could have been the Donald Trumps’ of the seventeenth century with all the building that was going to be happen if we had just held out for more wampum.” Buffalo Hair went on to remark that, “We spent years trying to break through that wall those Dutchmen built, lost many braves to their fire sticks.

Now we own a piece of that damn wall and we will get back what was ours over the long term.” It is rumored that the Lower Brule have already applied for a Federal Bail-out for Westrock, stating that poor management practices by the Round Eyes, including the sale to the Lower Brule, have seriously damaged the firms’ solvency. It is anticipated that the tribe will qualify for a substantial cash influx from the Fed, as well as certain Minority Owned Business incentives that should be well over one billion dollars.

This should be sufficient to satisfy any outstanding loans for the purchase, as well as provide a new Saturn for all tribal members over the age of fifteen. It is still unclear if Federal Banking rules will apply to Westrock now that it can be claimed as sovereign property of a recognized Native American Tribe.Comment:  As usual with such "satires," the writer thinks he's mocking something current. In this case, Wall Street takeovers and bailouts. What he's really mocking is the Indians in his piece. Here's how:

That the tribe has only "gambling, jewelry and blanket markets" says that it exists in the primitive past of trading posts except for the recent influx of gambling. In other words, it has no industries of its own and depends on handouts from tourists and the US government.

"Funny Indian names" such as Get Many Ponies and Have Pig Sweat make the Indians look like thieves and pigs, respectively.

Worse, their full names are Oscar Get Many Ponies Leibowicz and Jessica Have Pig Sweat Moody. These sound like non-Indian names--in particular, Jewish names. The implication is the Lower Brule Sioux tribe is a phony tribe concocted by Jews and other non-Indians to enrich themselves. That Jews are behind this fraud makes sense since everyone knows Jews are the biggest money-grubbers in existence.

The Sioux's use of the Algonquian word "wampum" obscures and trivializes the differences between tribal cultures.

The Sioux bemoan the Delaware's foolishness in selling Manhattan for $25 (actually $24) of beads. But one theory says that the tribe doing the selling didn't own the rights to the island. So the Indians ripped off the Dutchmen, not the other way around.

That the Indians are already seeking a bailout implies that they purchased the company only to get handouts. So does the author's claim that they'll use the money to buy each tribal member a Saturn. In short, the satire says Indians are greedy cheaters--gaming the system to benefit at the taxpayers' expense.

This so-called "satire" is even more unfunny and insulting than the last one I posted: Satire:  Indians Protest "Red State." Kind of amazing that these writers don't see the racist and stereotypical thrust of their pieces. Fortunately, I'm here to point it out to them.

Below:  Indians as nasty savages--the basic message behind portraying them as pigs, thieves, fools, greedy Jews, and welfare kings and queens.