By Justin "Filthy Liberal Scum" Rosario
Republican Jesus™ is very different than the Jesus you and I are familiar with. First off, he is White. Not just white, but White. Republican Jesus™ has a special place in his heart for America. Specifically, White America. Do you doubt this? Ask yourself why anyone who believes in a colorblind Jesus would even conceive of praying for the death of Obama? No, only those who follow Republican Jesus™ would even think that such a prayer could, or should, be answered. If you are currently thinking that racism has nothing to do with the unprecedented hatred of Obama, go away, I’m talking to the grownups.
Republican Jesus™, by the way, is a big supporter of the Confederacy. Why he let them lose the War of Northern Aggression is a mystery. But all “real” Americans know that the South will rise again and Republican Jesus™ will lead the way back to glory. Or something like that. How the Northern and Mid-western Red states fit into this Southern revival is also a mystery.
Republican Jesus™ loves guns. Loves them! Never mind all that silly talk of beating swords into plowshares! Every good member of the church of Republican Jesus™ should have, at minimum, enough armament to hold off an invasion by those commie Nazi liberal hordes that are coming any day now. Or the ATF, whichever shows up first. Or maybe just enough to wipe out a schoolroom filled with kids when their excellent parenting skills manifest themselves in the next Columbine tragedy.
Remember, conservatives, to complain about anti-bullying programs being government overreach afterwards!
Republican Jesus™ loves the rich. Ignore that whole “camel through the eye of a needle” garbage. Republican Jesus™ wants you to be prosperous! It’s called “prosperity theology” and it percolates throughout the conservative religious fervor. God rewards the faithful with material wealth. Very spiritual stuff. If your idea of spiritual is a McMansion.
But Republican Jesus™ is not just about love. Republican Jesus™ also hates and, boy, does he hate!
Republican Jesus™ hates the poor. This is the flip side of “prosperity theology.” If God rewards the faithful with riches, than the poor are obviously NOT of the faith and deserve what they get. This is, in part, why conservatives hate the social safety nets of welfare, food stamps and Medicaid. Those (and by “those” I mean those) people don’t worship Republican Jesus™ and are unworthy of being helped. Besides if you feed them, they’ll just breed!
For more on the subject, see:
Rubio: Entitlements "weakened" us
Whites think they're discriminated against
David Duke speaks to teabaggers
Teabaggers seek white Christian rule
Rick Perry promotes Christian bigotry
"Comment: If Jesus returned to Earth today, right-wingers would crucify him for his heresies."
ReplyDeleteIf the leftists didn't get to him first.
why would leftists crucify Jesus?
ReplyDeleteLeftists can be very intolerant of religious liberty. Look at China in Tibet.
ReplyDeletehmm, I would hardly consider that evidence to back up such a statement. If you doubt 'right-wingers' would crucify Jesus for heresies and think it is gross generalisation - just say so. Trying to make a similar gross generalisation about leftists is just silly (and as a leftist, I can tell you, patently untrue)
ReplyDeleteI could mention Pol Pot's regime and the numerous mega-genocidal intolerant left-wing regimes which in the 20th century tended to be a lot worse than the right-wing ones.
ReplyDeleteI tend to the center, a little right of it in the big picture. The more you get to either end, left- or right-, the more fascist you get.
And here we have a quote from the founding father and revered patron of hard-left ideology, Karl Marx:
ReplyDelete"The Jewish ni**er Lassalle, who fortunately leaves at the end of this week, has happily again lost 5,000 Thaler in a fraudulent speculation. The fellow would rather throw money in the dirt than make a loan to a 'friend' even if interest and capital are guaranteed. He acts on the view that he must live like a Jewish baron or baronised (probably via the Countess) Jew"
yeah quoting extremists still doesn't make much of an argument. As you say - extemists on both sides = facism.
ReplyDeleteThe same thing applies to the right-wing extremists from the "Comment:" quoted in the first comment.
ReplyDelete