December 24, 2011

Santa the criminal

So Santa Claus is a Dutchman who's squatting illegally at the North Pole in violation of international law? Sounds like another example of the European colonial mentality.

There are probably some valuable oil rights under his cottage and toy factory. Perhaps he's trying to cut a deal with the highest bidder.

I don't think there are any labor laws in international waters. So he can work his elves to death without having to worry about the pay or working conditions.

How do you think he out-produces China and manufactures billions of toys every year? Not by following OSHA standards, you betcha.

Santa arrested

I'm not the only one who's noted Santa's illegal activities. Here's an AP story from 12/24/10:

News FlashIn a surprise move today, the Justice Department handed down indictments against Santa Claus (AKA Kris Kringle, Per Noel, Saint Nick) for allegedly employing undocumented guest workers at his North Pole toy factory. Originally alerted by an anonymous tipster known only as “The Grinch,” the Justice Department alleges that Claus operates a large toy manufacturing “sweat shop,” solely utilizing an illegal labor force. According to the government’s press release, this is “the largest such operation ever detected.” Off the record, one official said, "This operation is completely unprecedented in size, probably grossing over five hundred billion in revenue annually." At the same time, the Internal Revenue Service announced that it appears that Claus has never withheld employee income taxes, paid any corporate income taxes, or filed a federal tax return. The IRS says its investigation is continuing, but has already initiated procedures to seize Claus’s factory.

Claus, a morosely obese smoker who has admitted in past interviews to being addicted to junk food, is also being investigated for breaking and entering, illegally flying in restricted airspace, and cruelty to animals. The Justice Department has indicated a RICO indictment will soon be forthcoming.
For more on the subject, see Navajo Santa and Santa Visits Havasupai by Helicopter.

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