January 08, 2014

New Star Trek = mirror universe

More thoughts after watching Star Trek into Darkness:

I'm waiting for Star Trek into the Universe Created by Gene Roddenberry.That'll be the 'Mirror Mirror' movie!They should've positioned the new franchise as a "Mirror, Mirror" version. Kirk is an untrained hothead! Spock is emotional and dates Uhura! Pike is an active commander not confined to a chair! Khan is a white man and former Starfleet operative! The Enterprise is a submarine! And on and on.

The underwater Enterprise gives new meaning to the word "sub-space."

Kirk: "Damn it, Spock! When I said take us into subspace, I didn't mean underwater!"

Can the Enterprise also tunnel through the ground? Why or why not?

How about flying through the sun? Or a black hole? That would be fun.That exactly what I'm saying. In the next film, they'll reveal the REAL Star Trek and we'll discover that first two movies actually took place in the evil mirror universe! Genius!

Well an underwater Enterprise would bring one positive development--Star Trek with dolphins! Genius!
Well, the crew needs more nonhumans. Which should've been a no-brainer with the advances in CGI.

So yes, add some dolphins to the crew. Star Trek: Dolphin's Tale, featuring the return of the whale (dolphin) probe. Kirk must go back to 2014, where he faces his greatest challenge: acting like a bad boy in the era of bad boys!

Cetaceans also explain why The Voyage Home is the greatest ST movie.

What they were thinking

Some thoughts on this posting:

Hollywood Movies With Strong Female Roles Make More Money

It wouldn't surprise me if some studio execs say, "But I like guy movies with car chases and explosions!" And that's literally their thought process when greenlighting movies.


Studio exec: You want to reboot the Star Trek franchise? Will it have any of those touchy-feely moments about respecting other cultures? You know, all that diversity crap?

J.J. Abrams (tossing a thick binder of Star Trek ideas into the trash): Uh, no. We're going to concentrate on fast-paced starship chases and ray-gun battles, with lots of explosions.

Studio exec: There better not be any scenes with characters, especially women, talking about their feelings.

Abrams (surreptitiously crossing out several female roles in his scripts): Are you kidding? No way.

Studio exec: Now you're talking. Sold!

More rejected ST movies

Other movies I'd like to see: Star Trek into Philosophy, Star Trek into Morality, Star Trek into New Worlds/New Civilizations, and Star Trek into Science Fiction.

Alas, Abrams rejected all these ideas. Because Darkness is bitchin' and bad-ass!

Really, this movie's level of science fiction is a 1950s version of the future. Ray guns, flying cars, suspended animation, and that's about it. It's less detailed and scientific than the original series from the 1960s.

The blockbuster mentality, or whatever's driving the Star Trek franchise, is pathetic. Fans will remember this series of movies like they do the Transformers movies--as loud, stupid, action-adventure drivel for kids.

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