Here's my sarcastic commentary on the US's timid support for the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples:
News flash: Obama formally recognizes that Indians aren't a figment of America's imagination. May sign document saying they still exist.
But that may be too risky in today's political climate. Republicans pointed to a Fox News report that said 58% of Americans think Indians are dead and gone, 27% believe they're still alive, 11% don't know for sure, and 4% are blithering idiots.
Fox officials denied charges that they made up the numbers out of thin air. "You're thinking of global warming," said one Fox-faced liar.
Conservative commentators latched on to a report by the respected Creation Scientists for White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. "Were there any Indians in the Bible?" said a spokesman/janitor for the organization. "Has anyone seen any Indians recently? No and no.
"Our scientists assure us that any Indians went to the happy hunting ground in the sky after God exterminated them for their unholy sins. If you see an alleged Indian these days, it's probably a white person playing dress-up for Halloween. Or to cash in on a casino."
Glenn Beck chimed in to remind people that any still-existing Indians are actually from the lost tribe of Israel aka Jews, and therefore part of the worldwide conspiracy and not real Americans.
Obama is reportedly seeking a compromise with House Republicans over the question of the Indians' continued existence. Said one craven White House official, "We're proposing that they live on in our hearts and minds, but don't have a physical existence that requires government aid. We think that will satisfy liberal yearnings for a romanticized past and conservative yearnings for fiscal responsibility."
For more on the subject, see Tea Party Guide To American History and Tea Party Halloween Costumes.
P.S. Thanks to a Facebook friend for the Glenn Beck comment.