Vampires Suck parodies Twilight

A new parody movie shows what Hollywood thinks of Indians: no Native actors and the Quileute as Chihuahuas.

Vampires SuckVampires Suck is an 2010 upcoming vampire spoof film directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, starring Matt Lanter, Chris Riggi, Jenn Proske, Anneliese van der Pol, and Ken Jeong.

Plot

A spoof of various movies and pop culture, the film tells the tale of a teenager named Becca, who finds finds herself torn between two boys. As she and her friends wrestle with a number of different dramas, everything comes to a head at their prom.'Vampires Suck' Trailer Goes For Twilight's Jugular

By Perri NemiroffThis was bound to happen eventually; Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the guys behind Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie and Disaster Movie are about to tackle another Hollywood craze: vampires. Vampires Suck stars newcomer Jenn Proske as a girl name Becca and--guess what--she finds herself torn between two boys, a brooding vampire and a were--er, Chihuahua. Before she can even choose between the two, she's got to deal with her overprotective father, the Jersey Shore cast and Lady Gaga.

Comment:  Chris Riggi plays "Jacob White." Charlie Weber (below) plays someone named Jack. There's a Wolf Pack of shirtless boys in shorts who dance like a boy band.

It goes without saying that there are no Native actors in the cast. But that's consistent with Twilight, which has treated Native actors as an afterthought. Who really cares if they're Native as long as they're brown and cute?

I didn't see any mentions of Indians in the trailer. And I can't tell what the movie's take on the Quileute werewolves is. Is Jack stuck in a transitional form? Do all the shapeshifters change into Chihuahuas?

The message of Vampires Suck

If this is true, what does it tell us? For starters, the Jack image makes the Indian-animal connection clear. Twilight's Indians really are subhuman creatures.

And the Chihuahua transformation shows how Stephenie Meyer has bastardized the genuine Quileute culture. We've gone from a wolf changing into the first human to a clan of shapeshifting wolves to a clan of shapeshifting Chihuahuas. This isn't some tribute to their heritage, it's a mockery of it. Real Native legends have become Mad magazine material.

It's roughly equivalent to acting out the New Testament with Chihuahuas playing Jesus and his disciples. You could do it, but I don't think many Christians would like it. It would denigrate and trivialize their religion just as Twilight has done with Native religion.

Note that I'm not blaming Vampires Suck for this mockery. It's merely taken Twilight's premise to its logical extreme. The mockery is inherent in Meyer's storyline. Thousands of years of beliefs, customs, and practices are compressed into "shirtless wolf boys protect their clan." That's so ridiculously simple that you might as well substitute Chihuahuas.

For more about what audiences are learning about Indians, see Fans Still Ignorant about Quileutes and Native Beliefs = Werewolf Story?

Below:  Vampires Suck shows the savage beast inside every Indian.