ARCHIE: Treatment of the American Indian, national disgrace. Uhh.
ARCHIE: Well, uh, Geronimo?
ARCHIE: C’mon, it had to be some Indian that said that. Who?
EDITH: President Kennedy.
ARCHIE: Aw, that’s a lie. Kennedy never said that.
ARCHIE: Oh, maybe he said it, but he didn’t mean it. He maybe said it when he was running for office, trying to get the Indian vote, which he never got anyhow.
MIKE: How do you know?
ARCHIE: Because, Meathead, the Indians don’t vote.
MIKE: Archie, the Indians were given the vote in 1924.
ARCHIE: I ain’t talking about that. I’m saying that they don’t use their vote like a fella told me. They sell all their horses for booze and then they can’t ride into town.
MIKE: That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!
ARCHIE: That ain’t stupid. That’s the truth. That’s what the Indians do to us after all we done for them.
MIKE: All we’ve done for them?! Arch, let me tell you something about this country and the American Indians and all we’ve done for them. We lied to them, we cheated them, and then we drove them off their land without paying for it.
ARCHIE: Hold it!
MIKE: That’s right!
ARCHIE: What’re you talking about, their land? They never had no land. They couldn’t read or write.
ARCHIE: How could Sitting Bull sign a lease?
ARCHIE: All the Indians ever do is ride around scalping wagon trains.
MIKE: Archie, what would you do if someone cheated you out of your land?
ARCHIE: Well, I wouldn’t scalp the guy. I’d hire myself a lawyer.
MIKE: I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it! I’m in here with this lunacy! Help me!
ARCHIE: What’re you yelling about? I ain’t talking about the Polacks, I’m talking about the Indians.
For more on the subject, see TV Shows Featuring Indians.