Mission accomplished: Obama gets Osama!
Obama does what Bush couldn't do.
Can we get out of Afghanistan now?
"Shucks," said a disappointed ex-president Bush. "I was still looking for him under the table and behind the sofa."
Who'll be the first Republican to blame Obama for doing something wrong? Any bets?
Conservatives weigh in
Bush reiterates that he was never concerned about Osama bin Laden. "I got me the real terrorist: Saddam Hussein! Only cost me 4,000 American soldiers...a bargain!"
"I'm happy but a little confused," said the peanut-brained Bush. "Cheney told me bin Laden was in Iraq. Dick?!"
What do Charlie Sheen, Donald Trump, and the royal couple think about Osama? Or vice versa?
Donald Trump quickly claimed credit for bin Laden's death. "Obama finally did what I told him to," said the short-fingered vulgarian with the fox on his head.
Confusingly, Trump added, "I won't believe Osama is dead until I see his death certificate."
Look for krazy konservative kooks to embrace Trump's new "deather" theory.
Moral of the story: Never send a boy (George W. Bush) to do a man's job.
Rob's approach was best
"Apply relentless political and economic pressure against the Al Qaeda network and anyone who supports it until the terrorists surrender or are surrendered. Carry out covert missions against Al Qaeda and other terrorist cells and nests beyond government control."
Instead of this approach, Bush gave us two unnecessary wars costing a trillion-plus dollars and hundreds of thousands of lives. And yet, I'm not in charge of everything yet. Hmm...odd.
In related news, many critics say we'll have to negotiate a settlement with the Taliban to end the war in Afghanistan. Too bad we didn't negotiate a settlement with the Taliban to begin with. One that avoided an unnecessary war and included the the surrender of bin Laden.
It's tough to be right all the time, people. Trust me on that!
Bring in the clown
From his bunker/ranch somewhere in Texas, worst-president-ever Bush whined, "Those Pakistanians were harboring terrorists. They weren't with us, they were against us. We need to invade or nuke Pakistan now."
"Remember how presidential I was after 9/11?" Bush added while wiping away a tear. "Remember?"
Some conservatives think Obama should thank Pretzel-dent Bush. "Yes, thanks for being so incompetent that America would actually elect a black man to replace you. A trained poodle could've done a better job of hunting Osama bin Laden, but our Commander-in-Chief finally got it done."
When Cheney suggested trained SEALs to Bush, Dubya reportedly responded, "Dolphins ain't gonna cut it, Dick. Osama's in a cave somewhere, not in the water."
"I saw a trained poodle act on the TV the other day," Bush added. "Get 'em on the phone. Maybe they can sniff out Osama."
"Seals in Afghanimastan?" Bush chortled to himself. "Might've worked against that Katrina whatchamacallit, but not in the desert."
"That's why I'm the decider, Dick, not you. I know about seals and dogs and whatnot."
The bottom line
The Ability to Kill Osama Bin Laden Does Not Make America Great
By Kai Wright
Upon the news of this victory, crowds gathered in front of the White House and at Ground Zero to chant “U.S.A.! U.S.A!” It was as if we’d just won an Olympic hockey game, rather than capped a decade worth of war and recession with a singular act of violence.
The president says we can do anything we want because we can kill. We could not stop poverty rates from spiraling upward to a record-setting 14.3 percent of Americans in 2009, but we can kill so we are exceptional. One in four black and Latino families live below the poverty line now, and as a result America’s child poverty rate—one in five kids—is the second worst among rich nations, behind Mexico. But we can kill, so we are great.
Fourteen million Americans are out of work, nearly a third of them for more than a year. The Depression-like jobs crises in black neighborhoods around the country have become so acceptable as to be literally unremarkable in national news media. When overall joblessness inched downward in March, the fact that black unemployment increased, again, was greeted with callous shrugs from the White House to CNN. But America is exceptional because we can kill.
And when we honor our Indian treaties, too.
For more on the subject, see Terrorism: "Good" vs. "Evil" and Native Intelligence: The Long View.